Loosing a parent

I hope I make you proud, Dad; even though you’re no longer here,
Your memory grows stronger with every passing year.

At the end it was a battle, one you weren’t to win.
A fight against a demon, no choice but to give in.

I wish I could’ve said goodbye; that morning when you left,
Told you you were my hero and that you were the best,

Tears I cry in secret at night before I sleep,
Wishing you were beside me, you’d be forever here to keep.

The years don’t make it easier; they said the pain would go.
It seems I’ve just got better not letting my feelings show.

Wishing I could hold your hand to shout your name aloud.
You’re no longer here, Dad, but I hope I make you proud.

Me and my dad 💙

Loosing a parent is something no child should every go through. I personally lost my dad to cancer 13 years ago. The worst thing about it all is I never got to say goodbye the day he died. My family were going through a lot due to my parent divorce and my dads cousins thought it fair not to tell me and my sister when the nursing home called them up that morning to say it was time to say goodbye. And for that I will never forgive them 💔

My hero

However today should of been his 60th birthday.

What made it worse (if you can say that) is the fact that I was 6 months pregnant with Joshua, his first grandchild. He did know Joshua was going to be a boy. We found out a week before he died and had chance to tell him so that’s some comfort.

I prayed every day that he would make it to his birth but unfortunately he just couldn’t make it. My dad was a fighter. He fought cancer for nearly 5 years. He got told originally he would only have 6 months but he fought and fought to be with us.

And I’m so blessed to of gotten that extra time with him. I know he would of loved my boys like nothing else. He would of been so proud of them.

Reunited

💙 Finally reunited with family 💙

We haven’t seen Brett’s nan and grandad since Christmas Eve! Covid has taken so much from us as a family but it’s also taken a lot from our relatives. Brett’s nan and grandad are in their late 80s and these months are time they can never get back unfortunately.

Proud nan & grandad

However now lockdown restrictions have been relaxed and the weather is nicer we have been to visit them. They have missed all the boys so much! We have tried to do video calls but they can’t get the hang of it lol.

They couldn’t believe how big Oliver has gotten!! It’s so unfair that family haven’t been able to see him. But I’m hopeful that things will get better soon 💙

But for now garden visits will do 🥰

C section awareness month

April is c section awareness months, and like thousands of other women I had a c-section. Not only with Oliver, but with all 3 of my boys.

I always knew I would need to have a c-section with any children I had, because I have a underlying heart condition that makes it too dangerous to give birth naturally. And yet even though I have had this condition since birth I still dealt with the stigma of having a C-section, from not only my friends but my own family.

Comments like “too posh too push” and “you technically didn’t give birth then” actually really make me angry. Having a c section doesn’t make me any less of a mum than anyone else.

I still carried these 3 amazing children for 9 months just like everyone else does. So why am I not as worthy of the title?? It’s time the stigma that comes along with c-section ends!